i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
