very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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