i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
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