carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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