my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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