whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
