he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
