my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
