my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
