Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
