god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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