Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
well you can't waste a boner
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
