Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
