mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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