4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize