I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
