; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize