She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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