ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
