You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize