she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
