p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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