Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
