He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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