Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
