I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
