why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize