Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize