Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
