I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
