it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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