Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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