I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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