You really coming over, don't trick.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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