i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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