he thought i was a dude.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
