You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
