I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
