i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
