last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
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