somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
