I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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