The maid of honor just puked.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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