he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
