i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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