In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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