how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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