I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The beer is more important than you right now.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
