Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
