Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
