I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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