Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
