omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I smell stomach acid.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize