then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
