I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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