We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
