So drunk its hurt
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
