i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
My penis needs a shock collar
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your penis caused this!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
