Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
There are leaves in my underwear?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
