I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
