I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
