I want to make a zoo with you.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
