Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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