Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize