Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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