Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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