I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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