I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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