I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The struggles of a small town man whore
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
