you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
