Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
