She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The beer is more important than you right now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
