I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
