I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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