Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
