Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
