I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
