the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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