i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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