YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
