Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
