She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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