yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
