Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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