Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
