My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Quick, to the slutcave!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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