Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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