I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
