i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
