please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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