dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
