He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
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