the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
