Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize