Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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