Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
