i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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