So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
