my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
