Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
