I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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