I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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