First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
