Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
