Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
