I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
