It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize