i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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