eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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