We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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